What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

Last Updated: 01.07.2025 04:54

What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

She found it foreign!.

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

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All the time i was locked up.

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

I was 9 years of age.

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He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

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But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

I was seconnd youngest,

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But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

But ive been too sick for many years..

(And it was in our own minds.)

How do you relax?

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

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We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

He was dying to do it , i knew.

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As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

My family never makes their pension either.

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

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On the 31st of Jan this month .

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

How many of you have had your parental rights taken away because of lies and no truth whatsoever, and did you prove the lies that were told about you to be false either through drug testing or another way, but still had your rights taken?

She wouldn,t have been !

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

The only rule us 5 kids had .

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And who doesn’t know suffering?

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

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She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

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The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

When she asked me how she looked .

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

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Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

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I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

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And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

I never cut or harmed myself..

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

They are buried together, in the same grave..

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

Was to survive, this bastard.

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

We all went to grammer schools

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

She loved him until the end.

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

I said to her

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

Comes on , in middle age.

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

But it wasn’t much.

She was in good health!

So, i spoilt her more .

I will be 64.

As i do to all so called friends.?

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

Put me off passion for life!!

So whats the point in blame.

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

Why did i forgive my father ?

I think the readers, may guess!

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

Especially a lifetime of it.

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

She married twice! .

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

This is soul school!.

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

I was scared of men, in general

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

Im still living with it.

Who then, do I blame.?

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

Would this be the day?

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

I don,t even have a pension.

He knew the spot.

He resisted the act ,that day.

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

I was very sick at this time too.

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

Ive learnt so much.

This is how, and why children get BPD.

I did it because my mum asked me too!

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

But, we were locked up after school.

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

I have no regrets .

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

Im dying but, im not bitter.

I had hoped to write a book about this .

My life is so biszare .

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

Where the ultimate outsiders.

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

One cannot live in the past .

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

I know ,a lot about trauma.

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

I waited trembling.

I could never make a relationship work though!

What did i know ?

I write beautiful poetry .

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

And i lived it daily.

I couldn’t, believe it.

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

We were not on the streets..

It was going to be , some day.

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

My mum and dad in the seventies!